I happened upon Brooke Castillo’s 5-minute emotional makeover last week. I listen to her podcast regularly but had never heard this podcast. I decided to give it a try. I had been feeling a lot of anxiousness lately and thought it would be great to get a handle on it. or understand it. or get to the bottom of it. or something.
As I went through her steps, I noticed quickly that it wasn’t anxiousness at all, it was fear. That seemed really clear to me- but what am I afraid of!? I had done this in the evening. The next morning, I still recognized the fear-but had no idea what I am actually afraid of. What is the sentence that I am telling myself that is causing the fear that I am feeling? I said my prayers, like usual, and pleaded, “please tell me the thought I am holding that is causing my fear.” I began to journal and the thought came immediately-
Memories became clear. Instances, especially growing up, where I was given a strong message…be small, be quiet, blend in, don’t stand out, don’t disrupt. be small. I think society,
especially in my era, was IS a strong teacher of this to girls…and some of us are really sensitive to it…and jump in…believing every lie it has to offer. be small.
I thought about it for a few days. What do I want to replace that thought with? What is it’s opposite? BE LARGE? BE BIG? BE BOLD? maybe.
I thought of this photo I took of Kate and Ellie in Southern, CA. I love their stances against the powerful waves coming their way. It’s my new phone screen saver.
I look at it over and over again. Every time I open my phone. DON’T SHRINK! Don’t make myself smaller than I am. Don’t diminish who I am or what I want. DONT’ PUFF UP! I am not better than anyone else. I don’t have anything to prove. Give and love so that we are all standing together…being us- STANDING OUR SACRED GROUND.